The Last Day, and definitely the Longest

I awoke at 5 a.m, with my alarm much closer to my ear than I remember it being.

I got dressed and walked to the Water Palace. Surprisingly, there were people walking around and cars on the street at 5:30 on a Saturday. Does no one in Jaipur sleep?

Anyway, I picked my spot along the waterfront, looking straight towards the Palace, with the Sun just starting to rise. Again, the calm was very soothing and welcome. Something about water and mountains.

Of course, Mother Nature just had to get in the way, as the same cloud from Pushkar appeared in Jaipur, right in front of the Sun. The Sun made a valiant effort and broke through the cloud at times, revealing this:

Many people came to the waterfront as the sun rose, offering prayers to their god(s) and food to the fish and birds. Some had a picnic, others just came to pray and left when they finished.  It was absolutely beautiful to see the sunrise, especially here, and it was made even better when I was joined (spiritually/via SMS) by a friend back home.

Happier and more relaxed than I'd been the entire time in India, I went back to the hotel, where I would have gone back to sleep, if not for a wake-up call at 7:30 asking me what I wanted for breakfast. I'm pretty sure I told them I wanted breakfast at 9 a.m. on the terrace, so much to my surprise, someone brought breakfast right to my door at 7:50. Oh well.

After breakfast, I met up with my driver (and his cousin, who was now getting a ride back to Delhi). We left Jaipur to head to the airport. On the way in to the city, there were some amazing office buildings, with beautiful designs and representing nearly every IT, Consulting and Automobile company, along with a few others. How did I miss that the first time?

I got to the airport, thanked my driver, gave him his tip (one of the only tips I gave in India that was actually well-deserved). I walked to the lounge (which wasn't a lounge), and you might have already read or heard about how that went.

49 hours after waking up that last day in Jaipur, now in Ottawa, after a shower and a meal, I went to bed.
The fairy tale was over, and I had work the next morning.

On movie theatres, elephants, and the sunrise

Holy Shit I just hit 100 posts, and over 2200 views! Wow! Thanks to the 5 or 6 of you who have read my posts several times each! ;)

Anyway, back to India.

We arrived in Jaipur and made an essential stop at an HSBC. Then, I went to visit the Suit Guy. A successful business man in his late 30's, the Suit Guy showed me around his textile factory. I saw the techniques used for making hand-dyed clothing. I found out that he sells suits to Hugo Boss and Gucci, and that Aldo will be selling a line of hand-made women's clothing later this year or early 2013. This was all very interesting, but I wanted to see the Kashmir suits.

So he showed me. Then took my measurements. Then gave me some tea, showed me some fabrics, and told me he'd have a suit and shirt ready for me the next day. So I paid him and left his store happy.

I went to my hotel to drop of my bags, then drove around Jaipur a bit, visiting a museum and a park which displayed a series of Scientific instruments (most of them were enormous sundials). Afterwards, I thought it would be a good idea to take in a movie at Jaipur's famous movie theatre. The movie of the day was Housefull 2, a sort-of sequel about 2 feuding families who are brought together by 4 conniving friends who trick them into thinking that the daughters will each be marrying a son of a very wealthy Indian man. It is difficult to describe the experience of watching a Hindi movie in a 1000-person theatre. So let me first explain how movie theatres work there.

There are about 1000 seats available. 420-ish in the lowest grade of seating (tickets cost $1), about 550 in the middle grade (tickets cost $1.50), and around 50 seats in the private boxes/balcony (for $4/ticket). I didn't really want to spend a lot of money on a movie so I got the best seats. I was right at centre screen, with the actual projection area framed perfectly by the floor, ceiling and walls (as in, you can't see those stupid lights along the sides, or the 7 emergency exit signs around the theatre, or the people sitting in the lower-grade seats). Only one movie ever plays at a time, since there is only one theatre, and it plays 3 times per day.

Now, the concessions: popcorn is 50 cents per bag, and they also served some typical Indian cuisine (the way we might have nachos or hot dogs, which they also served). The best part: they served cake. You could just go up and get a big piece of chocolate cake for $1.50, a large Coke for another dollar, or a bottle of water for 75 cents. *AMC: ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?*

The movie itself was fantastic. Despite my awful attempt to describe the plot above, it was quite funny in a base humour sort of way, the actresses are friggin' gorgeous, the dance routines are impressive, the actresses are stunning, the use of English mixed with Hindi was very different (and worked quite well actually), and, well, the actresses...

Beyond the movie itself, just being in the theatre was an entirely different and hilarious experience. Everyone there knew every actor, so they cheered the first time each one appeared on the screen. They all laughed raucously at the jokes, cheered when the plot went the way they wanted, booed when it didn't, and starting saying the catch phrases and making sound effects that accompanied certain characters. Hell, even I started doing that, it was just too fun.

I was extremely happy with the experience, and my driver seemed to enjoy the movie as well. We went back to the hotel and rested, knowing that the next day would be very busy.

So it was. We left the hotel fairly early to go the Amber Fort, where I got to ride an elephant from the parking lot to the fort entrance. That was worse than the camel in terms of comfort, and nearly as expensive (for a 10-minute ride at 10 a.m. vs. 2 hours at sunset). I enjoyed touring the fort (I did my best to get lost in all the side rooms and underground tunnels, and it seemed to work, seeing as I spent over an hour there and got some amazing views of the surrounding town).

I met up with my driver, and we made our way to a different fort. It started to rain, but the fort was mostly inside, so it wasn't too bad. This second fort (I think it was the Jaighar fort) was also very nice, and afforded great views of the city from atop its extensive walls.

By the end of this one, the rain was getting quite bad (think torrential downpour) so we drove down the mountain to a different fort (possibly the Naighar fort?). This one was much smaller, and didn't have much going on in the way of interior design, but the walls here went on forever, and you could walk down most of them. The best part of the fort was walking around outside... OK, fine by me.

After this third fort, my driver brought me to the Monkey Temple, a temple where there are a lot of monkeys (go figure). After a man insisted I would need a guide on account of the thousands of angry monkeys who would surely bite and scratch me, I asked my driver what the Hindi term for "Fuck off" was. He wouldn't tell me, so I got out and walked right past the guy, past a row of cows feeding on...sand(?) and up to the mountain they called "Monkey". Fortunately, this isn't a Gorillaz song, and Fire did not come out of the Monkey's Head.

Instead there was a group of French tourists, who outnumbered the monkeys, and proved about as culturally and socially aware. I watched the monkeys a bit, enjoyed the view from the mountain, and made my way back down. My driver then brought me to an amazing restaurant for dinner (called "Rainbow"), which happened to be near my hotel. He left me there, as the hotel had no room in the drivers' section, and went to stay with his cousin about an hour (or 10 km) away. I enjoyed my dinner (Chicken Korma - that's the one with cashews), rice, a Mango Lassi, and tea. I then returned to my hotel, determined to wake up extra early to see the Sun rise over the Water Palace just down the road.

And that's exactly what I did.

On mountains, sunsets and camels

We arrived in Pushkar sometime in the afternoon, so I went to the hotel to drop my things off. My driver told me I could go for a walk around the area and then go for a swim, so we could meet for dinner later. I figured that wasn't a bad idea, but it was 40 degrees out and the pool was filthy and green. I attempted to walk up the nearest mountain, but there was no real path; the only trail led through a small village where there were dozens of monkeys and a few cows. It felt strange being the only person walking around the inhabitants' front yards, so after about 20 minutes I turned around and went back to the hotel.

As I mentioned earlier, the pool was filthy. There were pigeons at one end enjoying themselves, so I sat way at the other end and only entered the water waste-down. I got bored after 15 minutes so I went and showered in cold water for about 30 minutes.

I called my driver to see if he wanted to join me for dinner. He did, so I left my room to go to the hotel restaurant. On my way, I noticed that the sitting area right across from my room looked like this:

We got to the restaurant, but they weren't serving dinner yet, only "snacks". So my dinner was a series of snacks (I chose pakoras) and a bottle of Fanta.

I then went back to my room to relax. Days with lots of driving were the worst for stamina.

Anyway, the next morning I embarked on a journey up a different mountain, to a Buddhist temple near the summit (I'm not talking Kilimanjaro here, but it's still sort of a mountain). The walk up was not difficult, as steps had been formed from the rocks on the mountain for most of the climb. I started to get really hot at about 8, so I was glad to reach the temple. Of course, when I turned around, I had one of the best views, well, ever.

And that's only one side of the mountain. The town and the Holy Lake which gave it its name are in a different direction, somewhat hidden by fog. The climb was well worth it, and the temple was quite nice as well. The thing that I loved the most about this town was the calm. It is like a big, living, breathing definition of serenity. Simply astonishing.

I made my way back down the mountain, and met up with my driver, who then took me to a temple. I went in, refusing all the offers of flowers and other offerings for Brahma, who I think is kind of a big deal there. Nonetheless, I avoided the tour guides and holy people as much as possible and just looked around the temple. After that, I joined my driver at a patio and tried my first Mazaa mango juice. That stuff is like liquid magic. I would have another two bottles over the 24 hours that followed.

After the quick refreshment, I made my way towards the lake, and walked around the area where the steps lead down to the water (tourists aren't allowed on the steps with cameras or shoes, and without flowers, so I kept my distance).

It was a little after the usual lunchtime by this point, so I went back to the hotel to rest. A couple of hours later, my driver brought me to the "camel man", a guy he knew who owns a few camels. We arranged a camel "safari", and so I prepared for my journey into the Rajasthan desert on the back of a camel, whose name escapes me at the moment (it was either Deepak or Vijay...unless that was the kid leading the camel...).

We walked around rather uncomfortably, we me on the camel and my guide walking in front of me. We took a leisurely stroll through the town, where people stared up at me as if to say "look at that stupid white guy". We passed by a cricket match, a few nice gardens, and some children playing in a fountain. Then we got to the desert. The camel had to jump over a small creek, which was interesting from where I was sitting, but then we got to our spot for viewing the sunset.

Again, the quiet was staggering. We left the camel at the base of a sand dune and climbed up for a perfect view of the sun setting over the mountains. And then a big cloud came and blocked the show.

Having not seen a cloud since Japan, I was slightly annoyed. We sat for about 45 minutes, enjoying the calm and the sand blowing into our eyes, at which point I informed my guide that I was ready to leave. It was a bit disappointing, but there wasn't much that could be done. Venturing into the desert on a camel is something I will likely never do again, so I enjoyed the moment. And the view!

On the way back to the hotel, the guide got on the camel with me and made the damn thing run and jump and do tricks, which was beyond uncomfortable, considering that a camel has all the grace of... well, a camel. It wasn't particularly stable, and it didn't enjoy its job as far as I could tell. I think it may have tried to kill me.

Anyway, I got back to the hotel and ate dinner (not just a snack this time). I remember enjoying it, but I don't remember what it was I enjoyed. I then went to bed to rest up for the journey to Jaipur the next morning.

I woke up, got dressed, and made my way downstairs. I deciding that I would go for a walk through the gardens behind my hotel while waiting for my driver. I had not noticed this before, but the gardens were pretty big, and quite lovely. They had papayas and roses and other plants that looked and smelled quite nice. I met up with my driver, and got in the car. After a brief stop in a town just outside Pushkar, we made our way to my last stop in India: Jaipur.

(If you don't already know how long that drive took, you haven't been paying attention)

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears, oh my! Well, actually, just tigers.

So we got to Ranthambhore after a long drive on country roads, which in India means a thin strip of cracked pavement surrounded by gravel and sand, which the locals consider to be a 4-lane road.

I had opted to take the morning safari, so I had an evening to relax. And that's exactly what I did.

After checking into my hotel room, putting my things down, unpacking everything I needed that day and sitting on the bed, I saw this, on my wall:

So, my room came with a complimentary lizard. Awesome.

I got one of the staff to shoo it away, and when he saw it, he jumped about 2 feet. I found this kind of funny, and waited there for him to compose himself and get my friend back into the jungle outside my room, where he belonged (I say "jungle" because this hotel was a "resort", meaning a series of huts surrounded by plants, trees, and animals).

After this was done, I put on my bathing suit and went for a swim in the *awesome* pool they had. I'm actually being sincere this time, the water was a perfect 28 C, clean, and the pool was massive. And I had it all to myself. I only stayed in for about 20 minutes, since that's what I needed to relax, and also because there were bats flying around at the 19-minute mark (it got dark very quickly there).

I went back to my hotel and watched Friends With Benefits, which to my surprise was actually a good movie.

The next morning, I woke up at 5 to get ready for the 6 o'clock Tiger Safari. By about 6:30 we were at the park, seeing peacocks, monkeys, and a few other interesting things, but no tigers. It took about 2 hours for someone to spot one, and then all the jeeps came to our spot to enjoy a view of what I'm pretty sure was actually a log, from about 200m away.

But then, as we headed back to a different area, we saw this:

So ya, I saw a tiger from about 20 feet away, just walking around and having a good time. The 3 1/2-hour safari was worth it just for that.

When I got back to the hotel, I had a delicious buffet breakfast. Then, we drove to Pushkar.

Guess how long that took?

(Hint: it was around 6 hours)

It was actually a pretty nice drive, all things considered.

Vi-Agra

Ok, I'm losing my touch. Fine, it's been a while, OK?

Anyway I got to Agra after a long drive and visited the Taj Mahal. It makes a very different impression in person than in pictures, and let me tell you, it is quite stunning. White marble, inlaid with semi-precious and precious stones, formerly painted with gold. The view from the elevated terrace is quite amazing as well, and made for some pretty great pictures of what used to be a river. My guide here tried to make me rush through, because it was hot out or something, but I was having none of that. So then he made me make stupid poses in front of the Taj Mahal to amuse himself. At least it bought me more time at the monument.

From there I was taken to a store, because I'd already been away from stores for over 90 minutes. They had all kinds of merchandise which showed off the same inlay style as seen on the Taj Mahal, as well as some other neat things. There were musical instruments, tables, platters, fridge magnets, pretty much everything. Unsure of what to do which a marble countertop in my luggage, I left to visit the Agra Fort.

This time, my guide actually took his time, which was good, since I told my driver "the next guy had better take his time". The Agra fort is quite massive, as big as (or bigger than) the Red Fort in Delhi, and equally impressive. I got a few good pictures there, too, and afterwards visited another, smaller version of the store I had been to earlier. Whatever, I'll humour them.

Still unsure of what to do with a marble elephant, I went back to the hotel, having had a long and productive day. Well, maybe hotel is too strong a word. Anyway, I took a break, then went for dinner with my driver. We found an expensive, tourist-friendly restaurant just down the road. It wasn't bad, but as I found out, much better food could be had at much better prices.

The next morning, we left for Ranthambhore, a town famous for its tiger reserve, which was, you guessed it, 6 1/2 hours away.

Delhi-catessen

Ok let's get this show back on the road. I last left you in my hotel in Delhi after my arrival from Tokyo. Let's continue.

They say that when in Rome, one should do as the Romans do. I have a new expression: When in Delhi, Get The Fuck Out.

I spent the day after my arrival visiting the Red Fort (which was actually very nice), and looking around the neighbourhood where my new hotel, the Tara Palace, was situated. That part was not so nice. As the culture shock was still in full effect, I felt it was completely unsafe to walk the streets of Delhi alone. So the first guy to offer to drive me somewhere got my business.

I found a nice man who had heard of my hotel and wanted to show me the markets around the Northern part of the city. He even offered to take me to the Southern area where the India Gate and Himalyun's Tomb are. That sounded good to me. So I got into the back of his bicycle-rickshaw and we drove around the markets for a while. This was pretty neat, but there were more people than flies (and there were a lot of flies), and the ride was uncomfortable. Also, it was 35 degrees, about 50 if you include the body heat of 1.2 Billion people. I kind of enjoyed the tour, and got to see some interesting things, but then he brought me to his friend with the motorized rickshaw to see the Southern part of Delhi.

This "friend" decided that rather than bring me to see what I wanted to see, he would drive me halfway across town to a travel agency he worked for. I spent about an hour there listening to the guy's boss talk about what I should see in India and why having a driver was worth over $800. In the end, I worked it out so that for exactly $800 I could see Agra (with the Taj Mahal), Ranthambhore (with some tigers), Pushkar (with some camels) and Jaipur (with its textile shops and monkeys). All the entrance fees were included, and I made sure breakfast and hotels were included as well. The guy reluctantly agreed, then said I had to pay cash. $800. I said "no, AMEX". He said "no can do".

To make a long story marginally shorter, that driver ended up bringing me to 3 different HSBC locations to withdraw money. Only one of them actually had a working ATM, and banks were closed that day because fuck you, that's why. I could only withdraw a certain amount due to daily limits, etc., so I went back and gave him what I had, and had to pay the balance by maxing out a different credit card. About 3 hours after my Southern Delhi tour started, I finally set out for Southern Delhi.

Since the sun was setting and my driver was getting hungry, we saw the India Gate quickly, Himalyun's Tomb (where I took my time just to spite the guy, though actually it was quite beautiful), and a handful of other sites. At about 7 o'clock, the guy brought me to his friend's restaurant for dinner, then back to the hotel. I tried to relax as best I could after the stressful few days I'd had, but was unsuccessful due to no hot water in the shower, and a big non-insulated (for sound or heat) window above my door, which also let in all the light from the hallway. This was a recurring theme in nearly every hotel over the course of this trip.

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of curry, and remembered I was still in Delhi. No fewer than 25 million people had decided to move to my area of the city overnight, but I didn't really care, since I was headed to Agra. My driver was waiting for me downstairs, and we set off, but not before I was informed that the 2nd night I had booked at the Delhi hotel was non-refundable due to a reason the man made up on the spot (something about the spice trade or whatever).

Mildly annoyed, but looking forward to leaving, I followed my driver out to his car (a Tata Indigo, which is like a 1990's Hyundai Anything, but shittier - seriously, this car had loose/detached side mirrors, no suspension to speak of, broken speakers, manual windows and torn seats. Though the A/C worked, so that's good). The driver, Rajesh, seemed nice enough, and we talked about various things on our 230-some km drive to Agra.

Which took 6 1/2 hours.

The Longest Day - India Edition

Good Evening,

I am writing from home, in Ottawa. I have just had a very long few days, having been awake since 8 p.m. EST on Friday the 13th. This puts me at about 48 straight hours, with intermittent breaks for sleep in between and during flights. I am sad to report that my trip to Asia has come to a close. I'm quite tired, but just wanted to quickly fill you in on some things before I go back and write proper entries for each city I visited.

To recap: Japan was awesome, and my first night in Delhi was good, since I had a working phone and free wifi at the hotel.
The next morning things went a little downhill. And by a little, I mean I was driven to Nepal and thrown off the top of Mount Everest. Seriously though, Delhi pretty much sucked.

This was fixed in Agra when I saw the Taj Mahal and Agra Fort. My frustrations were further alleviated in Ranthambhore with a tiger safari, in Pushkar with a camel safari, and in Jaipur with many forts and a hilarious experience at the local movie theatre. My driver was very nice and quite knowledgeable in the area of tourism (this would seem obvious, but remember which part of the world I was just in).

The process to get home was, unfortunately, not the way I'd hoped to end my trip. After enjoying a sunrise over the Water Palace in Jaipur on Saturday morning, I ate breakfast, packed, then drove 5 1/2 hours to Delhi. Upon arriving there, I was told I had to wait about 7 hours to check in for my flight. Once I checked in, I had another 2 hours to wait for the flight to board. Then, the flight itself was nearly 15 hours long. When I got to Toronto, I had to grab my luggage, go through customs, then check in again for the Ottawa flight. The plane didn't work so I had to wait an hour for the next flight. I got home from the Ottawa Airport at around 2:30. As I said, this has been a long day.

My luggage, of course, has yet to arrive, but will be delivered to my house before 11 o'clock tonight. I've got work tomorrow morning, so I'm thinking at least 10 hours of sleep are in order. I'll be back with more detailed updates on India, and with some pics.

Good night!

I made it!

Good Afternoon,

I have arrived at my hotel in New Delhi, much to the chagrin of my airport taxi driver.
It is a comfortable 29 degrees C at midnight. No A/C, but there's a fan, so that's good.
Today was a long day.

I managed to sleep a full 7 hours last night, without interruption, which was very nice. I woke up, showered, went down for breakfast at about 7, then got on the airport shuttle at 8. So far so good.

I got to my gate, and board flight numero uno for Kuala Lumpur. 7 1/2 hours from Tokyo, but Mad Men and A Storm of Swords kept things interesting. As we arrived in Kuala Lumpur, the view was stunning. Red sand and clay, forests, hills, villages, all in one small area. The one truly beautiful thing I got to see today.

I had about an hour to transfer to my next flight. Nothing special there, except that there was a jungle in the middle of the airport, complete with waterfall. Awesome!

The next flight was 5 1/2 hours long, because no one else had anything better to do today. Again, uneventful, except that I only have one movie left, and I've finished my book. Should have brought A Feast for Crows.

After I got off the plane, I went through customs (not really, actually; I said 'Hi' to the customs agent, he waved me through, I got my luggage, bypassed the next customs area, and 3 fully-armed soldiers watched me walk on through to the taxi area. There, I got an Indian SIM card and a taxi, which are both very important things to have in India. The taxi driver, and each of the other 1.1 billion people in India tried to kill me on the way there, but I was having none of that. I found my hotel, got a room, and made sure the wifi worked.

It does. And I made it!

Richmond

Good Morning (sort of),

As promised, I am logging in from my room at the Richmond hotel in Narita. Boy has today been interesting.

I started with a buffet breakfast in my hotel, which was very good. From there, I packed my suitcase, which I just finished re-packing, but whatever, then set out to explore the Nijo castle. It's not really a castle, per se. It's more of a nice big house surrounded by walls and a moat. Ok fine, it's a castle. Anyway, the gardens were very nice, and what we were able to see of the inside was also quite beautiful. This was the first (and only) time I was asked to remove my shoes during a 6-day trip to Japan.

At the end of the visit, there was (surprise!) a market and several gift shops. I decided to ignore the ridiculous geegaws and doodads and buy some sake. The lady offered me a sample, but it was 10 a.m. so I declined. I just bought a bottle.

After that, I walked back to the hotel, ready to go back to Tokyo (well, Narita, but close enough). I made sure I had everything, then walked to the train station. 3 trains and about 4 1/2 hours later, I arrived in Narita. Trying to find the hotel was easy enough, you can see it from the station. But try to find the road that actually gets you there. Narita is a veritable maze, a ridiculous Picasso-like road network with lots of hills and staircases and almost no way of determining a viable route. The Richmond Hotel is only 150m from the station. You can see it from the East exit. It took me 20 minutes to get here. I'm not kidding, folks. Down a hill, up a hill, through a parking lot and down the street from there. Absolute nonsense.

When I checked in, the nice lady gave me a dinner coupon, a breakfast coupon, some bubble bath, and a ticket for tomorrow's free shuttle to the airport. I have used 2 of those 4 things in the last 2 hours. Oh also, when she gave me my room key, she showed me to the elevators. I got in, and she waited until the doors closed to bow one last time. Service, people, I can't stress this enough. Though I have a feeling that the good people of Hay Group may get annoyed if I keep bowing every time I have to do something ;)

Now, I'm just relaxing and waiting to die. I just took my first Malaria pill. Can't wait to get to India, if I make it.

Accord

Good Evening,

Since I left you two days ago, it has stopped raining. In fact, when I woke up yesterday morning, it was gorgeous out. I took the opportunity to go to Osaka, to see some mountains. *But first, an aside. The Manga museum isn't a museum. It's a library of all Japanese graphic novels and comic books. Not a museum.*

Anyway, Osaka. So I got to Osaka pretty early, and as you've already guessed, everything was closed. That was OK, since I needed to find an HSBC machine, and their site says there is a whole branch in Osaka. I looked around for a while, getting gradually more annoyed until a security guard looked at my map, his map, and then said "oh it's that building there". Not that you could tell. All the buildings in the area looked the same, and had no indications of what was inside them.

So I went up and talked to a very nice (and very-English-speaking) lady who said "this isn't a bank. Go find an ATM. You can use your HSBC card at Seven Bank with no fee)." Yes, ma'am. So then I did what she said, and I was happy to have money in my pockets for food and souvenirs.

I walked around Osaka some more, and found it pretty boring, so I decided to go to Kobe, for some beef. When I got there, everything was closed, except for a few small shops. It's a pretty ugly town but there is a nice temple and you can sort of see some mountains, so I thought I'd explore. The temple was, indeed, quite nice, and the mountains weren't as far off as they seemed. Except that as you get close, the road ends, and there's a big fence. This is something for which Japan has proven its aptitude: blocking nice things by putting stupid things in the way. Which leads me to my trip back to Kyoto.

An hour after arriving in Kobe, I left again, but not before buying a Kobe beef Pogo (not making that up) with some traditional Japanese ketchup and mustard. It was very good, and all that walking had made me hungry. I decided to take the super express straight back to Kyoto. My day had not been productive or interesting for the most part, but the weather was fantastic, so I decided to get lost in Kyoto.

Best. Idea. Ever.

Remember that covered market I found? It turns out that when there isn't a hurricane in town, that market actually spans about 3 km, from the main train station to Nijo castle. No exaggeration. It's *enormous* and you can buy pretty much anything there. I bought a couple of small items and continued walking. I arrived at a very busy intersection, and saw mountains both East and West of me. I went East. Little did I know that there's actually a massive temple at the base of the mountain. I was extremely pleased to find this, so I went in. It's really an amazing place but I was just getting started. As I was leaving, a security guard stopped me, pulled out a card with English translations of some of the signs, and informed me (as the signs had done) that this was a mausoleum, for a very well-loved high priest and his family. I asked if I could get up the mountain. He said "yes, follow that road." So I did.

It's not so much a road, as a 3-foot-wide winding cement & gravel path, through a cemetery mounted on the hillside. It's both impressive and humbling to see all the grave markers, and there were a lot of them. I climbed higher and higher, eventually reaching another temple. And the view was incredible. I could see for miles around in 3 directions, though even the temple itself was something to behold. Bright reds and oranges mixed with the usual whites and blacks. I stopped to take in the beauty, but then I began to feel very frustrated.

I had seen it before, but this just made it that much worse. Why are they selling temple-themed cookies? Who really needs an iPhone cover with a temple painted on it? Why are there women charging money to white people so they can take their picture with someone in a kimono? I don't understand this commercialization of absolutely everything, and it's driving me nuts. For once, the view wasn't obstructed by a train station or a billboard or a skyscraper, so why not buy a commemorative fan to celebrate? Fuck off. I don't want your fan, or your iPhone cover, or your Hello Kitty dressed as a samurai. If I can see the significance and importance of this monument, and I have the respect not to defile it by posing for my own camera making duck faces, or walking loudly through the classroom area where there are clearly signs saying "shut the fuck up" (loose translation), DON'T TRY TO SELL ME THIS SHIT.

I realize that in the West, you can buy a lot of things in a church. Paintings, statuettes, coins, things of that nature. You can even buy "holy bread", "holy water", and sometimes wines or other foods depending on the region. I have yet to see, however, a priest-themed Spongebob doll, or a commemorative t-shirt that says "Fun Happy Lucky Time at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints!" Dear Japan: There is such a thing as taking it too far. You have incurred my wrath. Well done.

Anyway, feeling half-amazed and half-irate, I walked back down through another giant market to find my hotel. It took a while, and my legs were hurting, but I was glad I'd seen what I saw. I decided to watch a movie, then grab dinner at the Hamburg Labo (translation: Hamburger Laboratory) across the street from the hotel.

The movie: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. That move is so hilariously bad, it becomes brilliant. I've never seen a director and editor put so little effort into their work. Definitely worth a watch if you have 90 minutes to kill.

The burger: fantastic. The 3 people working there were all in school, under 25 (I'm guessing) and seem to enjoy this job. The waiter spoke very good English, and the main cook was incredible to watch (their kitchen is right in front of the bar, where I sat). I ordered a medium-well AAA Kyoto beef burger, with grilled vegetables on the side, and a "Cherry Blossom" sauce made with lemon and sour cream and something that turned it pink. All of this was delicious. I also tried my first Yebisu beer, the oldest beer brand in Japan. It was more or less like other beers I've had. After the dinner, the waiter asked if I was done. I said "no." He showed me the dessert menu, which was in Japanese, so he explained the most expensive of the 3 options. Potato ice cream with a sweet Japanese omelette, some shortbread-like crumbs underneath, and some molasses on top. Oh and I had a giant glass of Sake. It was amazing. The best dinner I've had since arriving. And all that for only about $46.

I decided to leave when the Sake left me feeling like I could fall asleep at any moment. I went back to the hotel and fell asleep. I decided to sleep in until 6:30 the next morning. And it worked.

I'll recap today for you when I get to Narita. Right now, I need to catch the train. Sayonara!

Protocol

Good Afternoon!

I am writing to you from inside the Mitsui Garden Hotel in Kyoto. It's raining, but the wifi is incredible, so I'll take my time for this post.

After I left you yesterday, I got a rather vile drink from a vending machine (it looked like tea, but was actually a wheat drink which tasted like coffee grounds). I then watched a movie, to rest my legs. More importantly, though, was the shopping trip I took right after the movie. I had spotted what appeared to be a small shop with imitation swords and armour and things of that nature. Don't tell me you didn't see this coming, I blatantly told some of you I would do this. Anyway, I went back, walked in, and was greeted by two gentlemen who were very, very well-dressed and who spoke quite good English (Samuel L Jackson would approve).

What I discovered was that this wasn't an imitation shop. This wasn't a museum-like shop with novelty items. This was 3 stories of 14th - 18th century Samurai, Shogunate, and other weaponry and armour. Proper antiques, things made with real Japanese steel, shark skin, mother-of-pearl, by only the most well-known and highly-skilled metal workers and artists. I knew in an instant I would not be purchasing anything, but the whole thing intrigued me, so I talked to my new friend about how much I love Japan and the traditions and arts it had embraced over the years. We chatted for a good half hour, and he seemed slightly impressed by my knowledge and understanding of the items in the shop. He took the time to explain each item, its history, who the maker was or might have been. He must have seen that I loved the stories and actually knew some of what he was talking about (having seen some katana-forging and wielding demonstrations). He literally went through every piece on the first floor with me, showing me antique hilt decorations, empty scabbards worth over $10,000, wooden swords with intricate engravings, signed in paint by their makers. I took in as much as I could before thanking the man and repeating how beautiful the items in his store were, and then explaining that this was not quite what I imagined when I saw the store and that I could not risk carrying something like this in my luggage, where it could get damaged, or even confiscated (I didn't mention that I could not afford a 2.8M Yen sword).

I was disappointed, and he might have been too, so he told me to turn around and see one last thing. I obliged, and saw something quite impressive. A standard short sword, not an antique but not an imitation per se. Made this century by sword makers using the traditional materials, except for the steel, which is now a zinc alloy, so it can't be sharpened, and thus can't be declared a weapon by customs in any country. This is apparently an agreement Japan has with its export/import industry, and is observed by most countries. The case was black, with a gold paint design (which he assured me rather honestly was not real gold, just the colour), and a mother-of-pearl inlay (which he assured me was actual mother-of-pearl, because otherwise what would be the point?). The hilt was wood, wrapped in manta ray skin (as per tradition), which the crab insignia of its creator in copper and gold. It was wrapped in the usual cloth in a criss-cross pattern, so it can be properly held. By now you know I bought it, but there were two issues. 1) I was still concerned it could get confiscated or damaged. 2) Despite its small size, it didn't fit properly into my even smaller suitcase. Not to worry though, the Chibya post office was nearby, so I took care of that (the sword people would have sent it for me had I bought an antique, but I didn't, and their rate was much higher than Japan Post EMS' rate).

So my evening ended much the way I wanted it to. I don't remember what my small-ish dinner was, but I do remember the slightly alcoholic Lytchee drink I had, which was quite good. I packed all my purchases and other things away so I would be ready to go for my trip this morning.

I woke up just before 6. I showered, dressed, made sure absolutely everything was packed (it was) and made my way downstairs for the 'East Meets West' breakfast buffet I'd yet to try in 3 days. It turns out it was very good. There were eggs, bacon, breads, seaweed, fish, fried chicken, yogurt, fruit salad, and a few other things. Satisfied with my meal, I left my hotel and went to the train station.

I was there about 75 minutes before my train, so I tried to switch my ticket to an earlier departure. Unfortunately, the only seats available were middle seats (the bullet trains have 1 row of 2 and 1 row of 3 in each car), or window seats in the smoking cars. Not wanting to die, I gave up and went to the track to wait. An interesting thing in Japan is that you can actually get on any train you want, as long as you have a ticket for that day, and that particular route. I got a window seat in a row of 2 on the non-reserved car a full hour before my schedule time. Score!

Unfortunately this was not overly helpful, but I'll get back to that. The train ride to Kyoto was about 2h45m, and uneventful. I saw mountains, and clouds, and rain, and a few big cities, and some smaller towns. More surprisingly, I saw a few acres of farmland, some rice paddies, and what I think may have been a section of the Fujimi Kaido racetrack, which is really just a very curvy road through the mountains. Cool!

When I arrived, it was still raining. I have yet to see anything interesting, and I had a significant walk from the metro to here. I am apparently very close to 2 temples, a park and a castle, so I hope the rain lets up. I'm just about out of movies, and I'm almost done my book. I may need to find a museum again. I hear there's a Hentai museum in Kyoto (or was it Manga? I don't remember...)

Have a good one!

Day at the museum(s)

Good Day Ladies and Gents,

The wifi in my hotel has stopped working. So I am now writing to you from a workstation in my hotel. I have exactly 15 minutes left.

Where was I? Right, legs were hurting.
So anyway I went up to my room for some much-needed rest, and I took a quick nap, thinking I would get up a couple of hours later for dinner and a night on the town. Well, I woke up at 10:30. I skipped dinner, got washed, put on my clubbing shirt (you know the one) and left the hotel.

Tokyo at night is very different from Tokyo during the day. There are still a lot of men walking around in suits, but they're drunk. The women are mostly drunk. Some even offer "massa-geez", which I think is code for "I am a prostitute". I swear, no fewer than 5 different women propositioned me last night. I opted to decline each time.

I never really found a suitable bar, either, mostly due to the fact that they close at midnight. On a Saturday. Just because. This was quite disappointing but hardly the end of the world. Around 1 I went back to the hotel. Due to my 8-hour nap earlier, however, I could not sleep. Around 5, I woke up and got dressed so I could head out to Ueno to see some museums, and a park.

That park is freaking huge! Of course, when I got there at 7, it was also empty. There is a zoo, a merry-go-round, some temples, and 4 or 5 museums, among other things. I was a bit bored that nothing would open until 9 so I sat down to read a book. It was pretty chilly and around 8:30 I thought I should go for breakfast. I bought the Japanese version of an omelette tart and a pistachio croissant. Not too bad.

I went and bought my entrance tickets to the Science Museum as well as the Tokyo National [Art] Museum. I spent about 7 hours between the two museums, and they were both very interesting. There were a hell of a lot of people at the special exhibitions, but luckily I am taller than most of them, so I could still see everything.

I came back to the hotel, legs aching, but happy with a rather productive day. I decided to pick up dinner at the special shops in the train station, so I got a special Japanese cream puff, a traditional Japanese chocolate ganache cake, and a typical Japanese carton of Strawberry-flavoured milk (don't ask, I have no idea...)

Very good, but not too healthy. I decided to work it off by watching a movie. I fell asleep shortly after, around 8:30. When I woke up, I panicked, thinking I'd overslept. It was 4 a.m. and I was alert and ready to go. Fuck, not again.

I decided I should use today to go shopping, since I'm moving on to Kyoto tomorrow. The man at the front desk suggested Asakusa or Ginza, which I'd already seen but not explored. I thought that before I went shopping (since the stores open at 10 or 11), I'd check out Yokohama, so I did.

There's nothing there either, most of the shops were closed, but I did find a nice cafe‚ where I had a delicious breakfast of a hot dog wrapped in bread, an egg wrapped in brioche, and a huge chocolate chip scone. I also ordered a hot chocolate, which in Japanese translates to "coffee". Go figure.

I came back to Tokyo hoping the train would be slow enough to arrive when the shops opened. No such luck. I wandered around Shimbashi, discovering malls and buildings and gardens I had not seen. Huge buildings, massive and excessive in every way. I got lost pretty quickly since I had no landmarks to help me find the station again. So I just kept walking. As it turns out, I was headed in the right direction anyway, so I found Ginza in less than an hour. This is a very impressive retail area, akin to the Champs-Elysees. I took lots of pictures, but the stores took forever to open. When one finally did, I witnessed that Japanese politeness and sense of service that is now world-famous.

No fewer than 20 people bowed as I walked into the equivalent of Holt Renfrew. I only saw one price tag before running out of there, though. I mean, really. 48,000 Yen for a wallet? 25,000 for an umbrella? Don't think so.

I continued to wander, finding a grocery store, a music store (that one was closed), and lots of side streets with more stores. Eventually, I stumbled upon a 9-story toy store. A child's wonderland. So I figured, ya, what the hell? It was closed, though, so I walked around the block 4 times, then eventually got inside.

It was very impressive, but stupidly (read: stupidly) expensive. I don't see the necessity, for example, of buying an R2-D2 soy sauce dispenser for $40. (Robert, I would have, but it was big and heavy, so not good for air travel. Also, $40.)

After almost an hour in there, I wandered some more, and finally decided to grab lunch at one of the many shops around my hotel ($7 for freshly-made fried fish, with a bunch of side dishes, and a massive container of rice). Good idea! I figured I could take the time this afternoon to write a bit, but I'll need to go into more detail later. There's a lot to say about Tokyo, but I only have a couple of minutes left, and there's a line behind me for the English computer (I'm not making that up).

I'll check back soon, from Kyoto!